I saw my therapist today, and she liked my little ritual I performed yesterday to release negative emotions.  That’s the one where I lifted my hands and said out loud, “To the Universe, I release the old feelings that are surfacing. I release the old fear. I embrace the love the Universe gives me. I bathe in the light of good.”

She had a great suggestion. I had done it sitting in my chair, and she thought it would be even more effective to stand, raise my arms, and say the words. I tried it in her office, and I have to say that stretching upward really seemed to work out a lot of kinks in my back. That has to be good.

When I’ve been in the deepest, darkest pit of despair in the past, I’ve used positive affirmations even when I didn’t believe a word I was saying. I didn’t fake any special voice. I took the negative thoughts streaming through my mind and turned them into positives.

When “I’m worthless” popped into my head, I turned it into “There are people who love me.”

When I thought, “I wish I was dead,” I turned it around and said out loud, again lifting my hands and face upward, “Thank you for my life.” There were many times I really didn’t mean it, but I forced myself to say the positive.

I remember being so low once that all I could manage was to lie on the couch and sing, “La la la,” over and over again for about a minute. I say I was singing it, but trust me, it was not in a pretty voice. Still, it helped. I don’t know why, but it did. I was able to sit up and breathe and say to myself that this too would pass.

Depression is a disgusting thing. I hate it with all my might. It sucks out the core of my soul, and I will try any means necessary to keep from slipping back into its grip.