Depression Day 3 or 4

Here’s what I’m feeling: sadness, heaviness, guilt, shame, loathing for self and others, anger, and so much more.

Here’s what I’m doing that may not be helpful: denying myself food, sleeping long hours.

Here’s what I wish I was doing: walking, meditating, being grateful for my life and circumstances. But concentrating on those just reinforces the guilt, making me think that once again it’s all my fault.

Here’s what I’m doing that I know is right: taking my medication as prescribed, brushing my teeth.

I once had a friend who suffered from debilitating, major depression. I talked with him on the phone daily and asked him to do just one nice thing for himself that day. Today, I’m going to do just one nice thing for myself. I’m going to eat a full meal.

It’s a start out of the pit.

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2 thoughts on “Depression Day 3 or 4

  1. I suffer from depression also. I have a blog for women with depression called A Darker Shade of Blue, largely based on my several years as a moderator of a depression forum.
    It sounds as if you are trying to make good choices. The bipolar doesn’t make it easy, but doing one nice thing for yourself a day is a terrific idea. Sometimes we punish ourselves because of our inner anger and self-loathing over so many things that are not our fault. Being good to ourselves is a step toward believing that we are worthy of kindness. Maybe if we can be nice to our inner child, we can heal some of the hurt. I hope so. What kind thing did you do for yourself today?
    I read a magazine this morning.

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