Radical alterations to my world

I have a question in mind: What events in my life have radically altered me? A few come to mind very quickly, and then a few more get added, followed by more. So let’s just list them. They are not in any particular order of importance. They simply came to me this way.

Getting sober: really, without that, I have nothing. I was a daily drunk by the time I was twenty years old. My doctors have all said I was probably just self-medicating. Whatever the reason, as I thought it took the misery away, alcohol filled me with despair beyond description. Only in sobriety did I learn that it caused the misery.

Coming out of the closet: any GLBT person will tell you this changes everything. It freed me. And in the end, it led to my divorce. It gave me power, and it filled me with pain. Any GLBT person will also tell you that coming out is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. I took me five or six years to get comfortable with being gay, and another five years to become really happy about it.

The birth of my children: what parent isn’t radically altered by a birth? While there have been fits along the way, my children are central to the joy I have in my life today.

Being an exchange student: I spent my junior year of college abroad, and I have never looked at the world in the same way since. I see the diversity and truly love it. It wasn’t until I was submerged in a foreign land that I really understood what it meant to be from my home country.

Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder: a year and half after I got sober, I had a breakdown. It was painful and baffling. I at once knew that something was wrong, but couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to believe that it had something to do with my brain. I was furious with God and could not pray. Over the past years, much of what I had has been stripped away from me because of the disease. I hate mental illness. I hate what it does to people. I hate what it does to caregivers and loved ones. I hate how poorly it is understood by society. I hate it. At the same time, I have people in my life who truly care about me and whom I love. I have access to case workers, therapists, doctors, and medications that work. I am very lucky to be living with this disease in the present and not the past.

There are a few things that I think qualify as radically altering my world.

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3 thoughts on “Radical alterations to my world

  1. Interesting stuff. Good insight. However, dear friend, just remember, one of our slogans is not “Figure It Out.” Try not to overthink this. My sponsor in Houston used to say to me “Forget the ‘Think Think Think’ slogan. It’s not your strong suit.” lol

  2. Oh, forgot to add. I had a friend in Houston who was an AA member who was also bipolar. He told me that his doctor told him that he had met a lot of alcoholics who were not bipolar, but he had never met a bipolar person who was not alcoholic unless they had no access to it. Self-medicating is right on the money. The doctor said it’s perfectly natural attempt at normalcy to “smooth things out” by any means available.

  3. Sweetie, with your permission, I would like to copy the format you have laid out here. My “radical alterations” couldn’t be more diff, but I think the laying them out could be beneficial to me.

    Again, your honesty is a blessing.

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