Panic Attack

I had a panic attack this afternoon. I felt my chest tighten, and then it was as if some hand reached up from my gut and clutched my throat. I found it difficult to breathe. Next, the hand reached up and grabbed hold of my brain and squeezed. I was in the throes of a monstrously huge pile of emotions, and I couldn’t begin to make sense of any of it. I simply knew that everything was wrong. Nothing was right.

My thoughts were scrambled. My breath was short. I was crying. All I could do was pray and doubt the validity of prayer at the same time.

I’m calm now but exhausted. I’d say the whole thing lasted 20 minutes. Those were hellish minutes.

I want to withdraw from everything. I don’t want to see anyone right now.

What is it like to have a normal, functioning mind? No racing thoughts. No hallucinations. No grandiose ideas. No suicidal ideation.

I’m tired.

2 thoughts on “Panic Attack

  1. Be easy on yourself, friend – rest and be easy on yourself. A panic attack takes time to work its way through your system, and then your system takes time to recuperate. Think how you’d treat your child who had just gotten over a high fever – lots of rest, fluids, anything that brings comfort… do that for you too.

  2. My dear friend, what makes you think that normal brains don’t have panic attacks? When I am faced with issues about which I can do nothing, the chances of a panic attack go up. Now, granted mine may not be a severe as yours, but they are there nonetheless. I woke up at 3:30am the other morning with a start. I had just been dreaming about a recent incident on the plane with a particularly unpleasant passenger who stated they were going to file a complaint about me. I had already done what I could do–namely, write an account of the incident for my supervisor. I knew that since the passenger was a non-rev, she probably would not file a complaint because she runs the risk of losing her travel privileges if she is found to be in the wrong (which she was). However, my mind still had me believing I would get fired over this.

    Do what makingspace said, take it easy and rest. Just keep telling yourself that your mind is lying to you, and know that I love you and think of you often.


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