Please, let me reassure regular readers I am not suicidal.
As it states in the tiny “about” paragraph on this blog, I am merely here to share my experience, strength, and hope as it relates to living with bipolar disorder.
That being said, readers can search here and find times when I have been suicidal, and there were times before I started this blog when I was suicidal and others I have not written about.
I am writing this today to share some resources that helped me in crisis. There may be readers who are searching for help.
First, there is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline you can call in the US at 800-273-8255. If you search the Internet, your country may have a similar phone assistance program.
Second, there is a little website I stumbled across that helped me: metanoia.org There is an excellent line on that site:
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
I was jolted into remembering my first time to visit the metanoia.org site. I was deeply depressed. All around me was black. I felt like I was in the bottom of a pit so deep and dark that no light shone in. No light. There was not the tiniest glimmer. All I could feel was pain. All I wanted was for it to stop.
Depression is a disease. It is recognized by doctors as such. It is not a moral failing of the sufferer, although that is just how many people internalize their experience with it and how many of those around judge them.
Through many struggling years and patient family, friends, and caregivers, I reached a point where I began to think about helping others. I will start job training in the new year for that, and I’m anxiously awaiting it.
This blog has been both a form of expression for me and a way to reach out to others hurting, too.
I can honestly say that I’ve been very lucky. I’ve had many excellent psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, nurses, therapists, and caseworkers over the years.
One thing has stood out for me. I have used them. When I was in crisis, I sought out help, and it was given to me amply.
If you are in crisis, reach out. Extend your hand. Help can be found.