Bipolar disorder is a disease, and I can really feel it today. I am dis-eased. To put it simply, I’m uneasy. I’ve got too many irons in the fire, as it were. I’ve got too much going on.
I am leaving for a long trip in a week. I’m flying far and staying with my aging parents for three weeks. We’re also having a family reunion while I’m there. I am looking forward to the trip, but it does cause me anxiety. I am going to be revealing my sexual orientation to many of them for the first time. That’s enough to make anybody nervous.
At the same time, I have heard from the bureaucrats in charge of my internship placement that things are looking up. I should be meeting with the head of a mental health clinic here before I fly away. It will be a simple meeting and less than a formal interview. Still, I’m nervous about it.
My car needs some repairs. One required the mechanic to order a part, and we’ve been waiting for it to arrive for three months. The piece arrived, but the mechanic has not picked it up, and the repairs are delayed, and my mind is spinning.
I spoke to my mother about bringing an old laptop computer to give them. It would make sharing pictures infinitely easier. She agreed much to my surprise. I spent a lot of time getting it cleaned of all my old things that are unneeded. I’ve made it into a very simple-to-use machine really meant for the easiest tasks only. I got them an email account, and now, when I get there, we’ll only have to find them an Internet service provider. Hopefully, that will prove simple.
My stomach is churning. I can hear ringing in my ears. My feet want to dance under the desk. I have the jitters.
I am reminded that this, too, shall pass.
Breathe. Just keep breathing, and do one thing at a time.
4 thoughts on “The Jitters”
No time to write a fuller response just now, but I SO relate!
Thank you. I did begin to feel better as the day wore on, but I’m still shaking a bit. It will pass.
Looking on the bright side, you are being productive even as you jitter…a task many are not able to accomplish!
Your comment brought a smile to my face. It so reminded me of the song from the Monty Python movie “Life of Brian”. It has the famous line “always look on the bright side of life. Doo do. Doo do.” I’m whistling it now.