I survived the incredibly busy 3 weeks of work. It was monumentally draining. I’m still pretty tired.
The man I was spending a lot of time with has disappeared again. I’ve had one short text in two weeks, and that was ten days ago.
“The man I was spending a lot of time with…” I had to say it that way, because I was the only one who called it dating. That seems important. Hell, it is important.
I really enjoyed our time together. Honestly, he’s a good man to be around.
However, once again I’ve chosen a man who is emotionally unavailable.
I’m actually OK with the fact it’s over. I really am. I feel fine. I’ve been to coffee with two new potential men in the past two days. I have no clue if either of these will develop further. Only time will tell, and I’m completely fine with gaining two new friends out of the meetings.
And I had an “ah ha” moment:
I choose emotionally unavailable men, because I still believe that I am unworthy of love.
That hit me today. It’s startling in its simplicity. It seems completely obvious.
When a man is emotionally unavailable, it’s a form of rejection. I search for the rejection to reinforce what I learned as a child that I’m unworthy.
Today, I will step into the assurance that I am worthy of the love of a good man.