Changes

There are a lot of changes happening in my life, and I’m really proud of the fact that I’m walking through it and not freaking out.

The therapist I’ve been seeing for four years suggested that I explore other therapists to help me deal with childhood trauma that is resurfacing. I went to see two new ones. One of those was horrible. She spoke for 75% of the session and spoke in very prescriptive terms most of the time. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced with a therapist. The other potential therapist turned out not to handle trauma, so that was a non-starter.

I will see the therapist who’s been helping me with sleep issues this week. She’s excellent, and she does general psychology as well as her sleep specialty. It’s possible that she can help me.

All this helps me understand how difficult it is to find providers that fit. Getting a good relationship with a provider is so important and can be so hard some times.

I have a relatively new supervisor at work. She was a colleague before, and then she got promoted. Now she’s my supervisor. That change has taken a long time to get used to. It was complicated by the fact the office is reorganizing, so my position began to answer to a new level in the hierarchy. It’s all more change.

I broke up with one man around Easter time. I started spending a lot of time with another man, but that relationship was very ambiguous. I was the only one of us calling it dating. He disappeared a few weeks ago. The colloquial term used to describe a person in a relationship disappearing is ghosting. Ghosting is a form of rejection. The person doing the ghosting is avoiding what they believe will be unpleasant. The person ghosted is simply left with questions. My questions faded quickly, and I was left with the rejection. I got over it very quickly. It only took a couple of days.

I have had coffee with three new men. All those dates went very well, and one went particularly well. We’ve been out for a second date that was a lot of fun, and we have plans for more. I’m really pleased with this. He’s emotionally available. We met on a dating app, and his profile states he wants a relationship. This is a good change.

The period of extreme stress at work is completely over. I feel so much better with that behind me. I slept well last night for the first time in a while. It felt so good. I’m hoping it’s the start of a trend.

There’s been so much change in my life in the past few months. I’m really proud that I’ve managed not to go overboard with anxiety. I’m doing really well handling all this.

 

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Major Change

Work has been insanely busy lately, so I haven’t had time or energy to post here. In the midst of all this, I am starting the process of a major change. I am exploring the idea of changing psychologists.

In my last session with my psychologist, it became obvious that I need something that he may not be the best person to address. I have trauma from childhood that needs healing, and my therapist readily admits he may not be perfect for the issue.

I have been seeing this therapist for four years. He’s really good, and I have recommended him a few times to people needing a reputable therapist. He’s especially good with LGBTQ issues, and I’ve enjoyed being able to talk openly and honestly about all my thoughts without having to censor myself.

In a session yesterday, I had to be open and honest that there were times I didn’t feel he fully comprehended the depth of my issue. He was open and honest in return and acknowledged that what I was feeling was quite possibly accurate.

Therapeutic relationships aren’t for life. We often have to change as our needs change. I may be approaching that now. I have made an appointment with someone who came recommended by a knowledgeable provider, so I feel good about seeing this new therapist and making an assessment.

In closing, I want to share an important realization I had in therapy yesterday. I have healed in profound ways by leaving disability and taking a job and moving. I have often wondered if I made the right decision, and I sometimes regretted it. I had a good life on disability, and I definitely could have healed, but that healing would have looked different than what I’m experiencing now. It wouldn’t have been better or worse. It would have simply been different. I can now state that I made the right decision to leave disability and take a job. That’s an important realization for me.