Panic Attack

I had a panic attack this afternoon. I felt my chest tighten, and then it was as if some hand reached up from my gut and clutched my throat. I found it difficult to breathe. Next, the hand reached up and grabbed hold of my brain and squeezed. I was in the throes of a monstrously huge pile of emotions, and I couldn’t begin to make sense of any of it. I simply knew that everything was wrong. Nothing was right.

My thoughts were scrambled. My breath was short. I was crying. All I could do was pray and doubt the validity of prayer at the same time.

I’m calm now but exhausted. I’d say the whole thing lasted 20 minutes. Those were hellish minutes.

I want to withdraw from everything. I don’t want to see anyone right now.

What is it like to have a normal, functioning mind? No racing thoughts. No hallucinations. No grandiose ideas. No suicidal ideation.

I’m tired.