Another Point of Gratitude

Today, I am grateful for a quiet place to meditate. I woke up late this morning, so my routine was curtailed a great deal. I only had time for a very short meditation. I could really feel it at work. I was distracted, and I could feel irritation starting to build.

I finished a task at work, and I walked down the street to the cathedral during my break. I sat in the back row and meditated. I sat there and breathed. The New Moon was last night, so I made some wishes, too. I felt so good when I finished. I’m calmer, and I don’t feel any irritation building.

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A Point of Gratitude

Today, I am grateful for the exercise I get from speed walking. I walk early in the morning after I’ve meditated. It’s still dark most mornings, and the world is quiet. It’s really nice. I walk by some gardens, and one has a night-blooming jasmine that smells divine.

I went out and walked during my lunch break, too. That’s not usual, and I got really sweaty. Still, I enjoyed it. I love the feeling of moving. It’s very comforting.

Breathing

I didn’t just walk through the stuff. I breathed through it.

Meditation has worked for me once again. This time I combined a releasing visualization that a good friend walked me through on the phone. The result was astonishing. I felt completely better. I was exhausted after the visualization from releasing all that negativity. I also have a much better view of the end of that relationship.

The visualization is not complicated. Here’s a step-by-step guide, if you want to try it.

  1. Sit comfortably, breathe evenly, and relax.
  2. Ask an angel to be near you.
  3. Imagine you are sitting in a shaft of beautiful blue-green light, and breathe it in over and over.
  4. Imagine a cylinder of white light in front of you.
  5. Imagine all the negativity in you about any particular topic. Ask the angel to help you pull that negativity out. Once it’s out, wad it up into a ball.
  6. Place that ball in the cylinder of light, and ask that it be transformed into something positive. I like asking it to be transformed into the laughter of children or nourishing rain on areas of drought.
  7. Finally, breathe more of the beautiful light you’re sitting in.

That’s it. You did it. The beauty is it can be repeated as often as you want about any topic you want. Don’t be discouraged if the negativity returns. That’s not failure. It may take days, weeks, months, or even years of repeated release for something to leave altogether.

This isn’t a race. My healing took decades. It’s worth it. I feel so good.

Anger

I’m walking through stuff. The key to understand is that I’m walking. I’m using the tools I have to cope with what’s going on with me.

What am I walking through? It’s still related to ending a relationship. I’m angry at the whole world at the moment, and I am not going to apologize for that. I’m walking through it on my terms.

Here are my tools:

Meditation: I am doing it multiple times each day. I have a long one early in the morning, and then short ones intermittently throughout the day.

Therapy: I saw my therapist this week. I can call him to arrange more frequent sessions as needed.

Medication: I am taking what’s prescribed to me including the ones prescribed from anxiety as needed.

Exercise: I’m walking on mornings when I’m able.

Sleep: I’m getting as much as I can.

Diet: I’m eating food that good for my health and no junk.

I am taking care of myself and making sure that my mental health is as good as possible.

sigh

I feel awful today.

I’m grieving, and I’m not being kind to myself about it.

I have therapy tonight thankfully. I’ve got lots of notes to talk about. I take notes in my phone for my therapy sessions so I don’t have to try to remember everything. I’m going to talk about these feelings.

I meditated this morning, and I got some exercise.

Grief is not fun.

A Question

Grief comes in waves, and yesterday, I was experiencing a wave of grief for my relationship that ended 2 months ago. I chatted with my best friend about it. I had questions about my ex-boyfriend and his feelings that, of course, my best friend could not answer. I didn’t expect him to. I simply wanted to express my thoughts. He answered with a question:

Why is everyone broken?

And it stopped me in the middle of my stream of thoughts. It was the perfect question.

We are each one of us broken. We have all experienced pain.

My next question is more important:

What are we doing about our brokenness?

Being broken is not the real problem. What we are each doing about it is. I have been actively working on my brokenness for more than 30 years. It has been a long process. I can honestly say that I’ve healed some truly big traumas. I can say to anyone who needs to hear it that healing is possible. It really is. I did it. The work is worth it. There were times the work was painful, but the reward is so good. I feel whole today.

I’m still healing more broken bits that I find under the healed places. It never ends, but it truly does get better.

My healing comes through meditation, therapy, medication, exercise, sleep, and a healthy diet. Your healing will come through ways that are appropriate for you. If you need guidance about how to start, I recommend talking to a doctor or therapist first. You’ll know what’s right for you. Use that.

Healing One Thing

I faced a mountain of hurt, and it overwhelmed me. I shrank from it and stayed in the pain for a long time.

I know you understand. It just looks so big. The pain is so big. There seems no way through.

I’m here to guarantee that all that’s needed is the decision to heal one small thing. Just one. Take that one small thing that hurts and talk to someone about it. Talk about that one small thing.

I’m here to guarantee healing that one small thing will make you feel a million times better.

When I lived in a lot of pain, my house was a big mess. Someone suggested that I go home, and when I got to my door, I should pause and breathe deeply. Then they suggested I open the door and look inside. Whatever I saw first, wherever my eyes landed first, clean it. Just clean that one thing.

The first time, it was the coffee table. It felt like I had cleaned the Empire State Building when I finished, but it felt wonderful.

Cleaning is healing. I healed one small thing, and it helped me feel better.

Next, I healed one more small thing. Over time, it became a regular thing. Over the years, I healed a lot. I did not heal all at once. I healed one small thing after another. Eventually, I looked back and saw that I’d healed a lot. One small thing after another added up to a lot.

I’m not done. There are more small things to heal, more coffee tables to clean. I’m not fretting about it today. It doesn’t hurt the same way. It’s not overwhelming.

One small thing at a time. That’s all.