Self Study

I should probably call this “Studying My Self.” I’ve been in therapy for 32 years. Off and on. More on than off, but there were some short periods when it wasn’t possible. Therapy is basically the study of self.

I’ve learned a lot, and therapy has helped me put some demons to rest that were the result of a messy childhood and adolescence. It has been very valuable.

I tried to cope with all the crap in my head by drinking to excess. That did not work, and I eventually had to get help to quit drinking. AA taught me well, but it did nothing for the demons. Therapy helped me unmask those and take their power away. After 19 years of sobriety and 32 years of therapy, I can honestly say I never think about drinking. During the pain of the break up last summer, drinking never once crossed my mind. I’m grateful that’s over.

I saw my ex yesterday, and it brought up a lot of emotions that I didn’t know what to do with. I had therapy this morning and was able to talk about them.

Last week, my therapist recommended a book that I bought and devoured: Wired for Dating by Stan Tatkin. I highly recommend it. It talks some about the biochemical processes that happen during dating, but the bulk of the book is about how we attach to people in our lives. I learned a lot about my way of attaching, and I was able to see my ex’s way, too.

In therapy this morning, I was able to see how I had triggered my ex, even though that was not my intention. I was also able to practice some ways of saying things that won’t be as triggering.

I was also able to see that I tend to get very hot in the early stages of the relationship, and that might scare a partner. Since my ex and I are talking again, I’ll get to practice moving slowly. We’ll see what happens. It might work out; it might not. I can’t predict.

I am really grateful to have my best friend who reminded me yesterday that emotions aren’t permanent. I’m grateful to have a good therapist who helped me work through how I can trigger other people. I’m grateful to have meditation that lets me release so much fear. I’m grateful for all my tools.

I’m grateful for you readers. I’ve had some comments in the past few weeks, and it really is nice to know that a few people really connect with some of the stuff that gets written here. Thank you.

2 thoughts on “Self Study

  1. First of all, congrats for the contact with your ex! It takes a lot of courage & vulnerability to reach out as you did!

    The sharing (growth) you chose to relate here has been / is so valuable. Your amazing journey has been so encouraging & therapeutic to me & I’m sure many others.

    No matter what happens with your ex, I do hope you see how much you’ve grown. Some people choose to remain stagnant – blame others for their “misfortunes”; alas, stewing in their own toxicity. Not you! You’ve created a place of healing! Mindfulness is such food for thought & soul.

    Your mindfulness has had a domino effect!
    The positive intent/energy flows into the universe to shine brightly! It literally lightens my weary mind.

    Thank you Jake!
    I am grateful for your, ever so generous, gifts of communication!

    • I cannot tell you how much this means. It’s wonderful to read this. Thank you.

      I don’t know what’s going to happen with my ex either, but I’m determined to allow myself to grow from the experience of reconnecting with him. For me, it’s all about growth. It’s a way to heal. I find solace in growth. As I release old energy, I can be lighter and brighter. Many thanks.

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